Nick Mason - Fictitious Sports

Fictitious Sports    3rd May 1981

ďHot RiverĒ    (Bley)

Do you long to cavort?
Hereís a new water sport,
That you ought to try.

Itís a Fahrenheit dream,
Hot and covered with steam.
You wonít be bored,
Do you want to get wet?
Are you starting to sweat?

Slip over the side,
Now weíre caught in a swell,
Hereís where Heaven and Hell
Start to collide.

Itís slippery and slimy,
Reach over here and tie me.
Iím so warm I can hardly move.
Mother never told me,
Iíd need someone to hold me.

But where Iím from the rivers are all cold,
Itís a fishermanís dream,
Dinnerís already steamed,
And ready to eat.

When you feel your resolve,
Is about to dissolve,
Then stop for a treat.

In a river of steam,
Nothing seems too obscene,
So let down your hair,
While you drift through a trough.
Slip your bathing suit off,
And really get clean.

You can do your laundry,
While your thoughts are wandering,
And you watch the passing swimmerís poach,
You donít need no Sterno,
In Danteís Inferno,
Itís thermo-hydriatically controlled.

You canít stay in too long,
ĎCause the heat is too strong.
Youíre starting to slide,
Grab a hold of the rope,
Throw your soap in the boat.

Climb over the side,
We can come back for more,
When we start to get bored.
Thereís nothing as wild,
As a Hot River swim,
On the volcanic rim.